This is Part 1 of a 4 Part Series on this topic
All throughout my life I have been told I'm " too sensitive" or I'm "overthinking things". Any time someone says you're "too" something, you can pretty much bet it ain't a compliment. It feels judgey, like they're giving me a negative label for something I am. Absorbing life's offerings the way I do is just how I'm wired.
Recently I decided to look into why I behave the way I do. I thought I was sort of alone in this, but it turns out about 15-20% of the general population are tuned like me. When I discovered the term HSP or Highly Sensitive Person things began falling into place.
It suddenly started to make sense all the ways I have learned to adapt and cope with the world. I have literally hundreds of examples, but here's one that pops to mind first.
Story Time
I carry dog food and water in my car at all times. There are a ton of homeless dogs where I live. I want to save every single one of them. But I am unable to rescue them all. In fact I can really only afford to keep 4. When I leave my home I know I will encounter at least 1 if not more needy dogs in my travels. It can break my heart to the point I don't want to ever go anywhere. This isn't hyperbole.
To alleviate my distress I pull over and give them a really good meal whenever I can. I think other people are able to compartmentalize their reaction to seeing something like a super skinny dog with few options in life. They don't absorb the sadness. The don't even connect with an urgent need to help. Not me. I am keenly aware of the circumstances that lead to skinny dogs, the dog's plight and potential future. It envelopes me. So I alleviate the pain by offering a temporary respite for the creature. This is how I am able to circumnavigate stress that would be awful enough to completely ruin the mood for a day.
That's just one example.
Here are 6 more ways being an HSP might interfere with daily life:
1. Overstimulation in Crowded or Noisy Environments
HSPs are more sensitive to external stimuli like noise, lights, or crowded spaces. This heightened awareness can lead to sensory overload, making it difficult for them to remain calm or focused in environments that others might handle with ease. Emotional overwhelm may manifest as anxiety, irritability, or an urge to retreat.
2. Difficulty Letting Go of Negative Experiences
HSPs process emotions deeply, which can result in holding on to negative events or criticisms for much longer than non-HSPs. A small disagreement or a critical comment may linger in their minds, leading to prolonged emotional distress and rumination, even when the issue has already been resolved.
3. Feeling Drained by Social Interactions
Because HSPs are highly empathetic, they often absorb the emotions of those around them. While this makes them great listeners, it can also cause emotional exhaustion, particularly in intense or emotionally charged social situations. Even casual conversations may leave an HSP feeling depleted or overwhelmed, interfering with their ability to enjoy normal social interactions.
4. Overreacting to Minor Stressors
Due to their heightened sensitivity to both physical and emotional stimuli, HSPs may overreact to minor stressors that wouldn’t bother others. A small change in routine, a loud sound, or a perceived slight from a friend can provoke a disproportionate emotional response, leading to unnecessary stress or frustration.
5. Difficulty Managing Conflict
HSPs often struggle with conflict because they are highly sensitive to the emotions and reactions of others. This sensitivity can make them avoid confrontation or experience intense emotional responses to conflict, even when it's mild. The fear of hurting others' feelings or being misunderstood can cause an HSP to withdraw or overthink situations, prolonging emotional distress.
6. Overwhelmed by Empathy
While empathy is one of the strengths of an HSP, it can also become overwhelming. HSPs often feel others' pain and emotions so deeply that it can interfere with their ability to manage their own emotions. They may take on the emotional burdens of others, leading to compassion fatigue or emotional burnout, especially in environments where they are consistently exposed to others' suffering.
How About You? Does any of this resonate with you? You may also be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). The term Highly Sensitive Person was coined by Dr. Elaine Aron in the 1990s to describe individuals who experience the world with heightened sensitivity. From processing emotions deeply to noticing subtleties others might miss, being a Highly Sensitive Person is both a gift and a challenge. So what does it mean to be highly sensitive? What are some common traits of HSPs, and how this trait differs from introversion or shyness.
What Is a Highly Sensitive Person?
A Highly Sensitive Person is someone with a unique personality trait known as sensory processing sensitivity (SPS). Dr. Elaine Aron, a pioneering researcher in the field, introduced this concept after discovering that 15-20% of the population possesses heightened sensitivity to external stimuli. This trait allows HSPs to process information more deeply and respond more empathetically to their surroundings.
That's the "too" in the "you're too sensitive" statements. HSPs aren't "too" anything! We're simply VERY sensitive. We're more sensitive than others. We pick up on more. We take in more. We process more.
You could turn it around and say norm-sensitives aren't sensitive enough!
According to Dr. Aron, HSPs often experience the world in a richer, more nuanced way than non-HSPs. They are acutely aware of subtle changes in their environment, such as lighting, sounds, or facial expressions, and are more likely to be affected by both positive and negative stimuli.
To learn more about Dr. Elaine Aron’s groundbreaking research, you can visit her official website on Highly Sensitive People here.
Common Traits of Highly Sensitive People
Being a Highly Sensitive Person comes with distinct traits that can affect how you experience the world. While no two HSPs are the same, many share the following characteristics:
Deep Processing: HSPs are known for thinking deeply about life events, emotions, and relationships. This trait allows them to reflect on their experiences in profound ways, but it can also make them prone to overthinking.
High Empathy: One of the hallmarks of a Highly Sensitive Person is their ability to feel empathy for others. HSPs are often deeply attuned to the emotions and needs of those around them, making them compassionate and caring friends, partners, and colleagues.
Sensitivity to Subtleties: HSPs have a remarkable ability to notice details that others might miss, such as small changes in a person's tone of voice or the subtleties of a room's atmosphere. This sensitivity helps them excel in fields that require attention to detail, but it can also leave them feeling overwhelmed in highly stimulating environments.
Emotional Intensity: HSPs often feel emotions more intensely than others, whether it's joy, sadness, or stress. While this emotional depth can be a source of great strength, it can also make HSPs more vulnerable to emotional fatigue or overstimulation.
Misconceptions About Highly Sensitive People
One common misconception about Highly Sensitive People is that they are always introverted or shy. In reality, sensitivity and introversion are separate traits, though they may sometimes overlap. Dr. Elaine Aron’s research shows that around 30% of HSPs are actually extroverts. These individuals thrive in social settings but may still feel emotionally drained or overstimulated after being in highly stimulating environments for too long.
Being a Highly Sensitive Person also doesn’t mean you’re weak or overly emotional. Sensitivity is a neutral trait—neither good nor bad—but how it's managed can make a huge difference in a person's well-being. Many HSPs develop strong coping mechanisms that allow them to navigate their heightened emotional world while still thriving in day-to-day life.
Another story
I have an associate who has a habit of rolling over others emotionally. She doesn't mean anything by it - it's just how she's wired. She doesn't have much in the way of an edit button on her comments, opinions and judgements. She lets it all fly. The kicker is she's also hilarious. So if I want to spend any time with her I have to be ready to not absorb the negative stuff so I have access to the good stuff. I consider it a "me challenge" and not a "her problem". But I do stay aware of how what she says might affect me. When it's too much I acquiesce to my own boundaries and withdraw as needed.
But, full disclosure here, sometimes I have a hard time shaking off the negative and let it roll around my brain far too long. Even by my own standards, lol. Managing the HSP reactions is an art form.
Where Do You Fall on the Sensitivity Spectrum?
Sensitivity exists on a spectrum, and each Highly Sensitive Person may exhibit different degrees of the trait. Some HSPs are more sensitive to sensory input, like loud noises or bright lights, while others may be more emotionally sensitive, responding deeply to the feelings and behaviors of those around them. You can discover where you fall on the sensitivity spectrum by taking one of the many HSP tests available, including the self-test provided by Dr. Elaine Aron on her website.
By understanding where you land on the sensitivity spectrum, you can better appreciate your unique strengths and challenges as a Highly Sensitive Person. Whether you're just discovering this trait in yourself or have known about it for years, embracing your sensitivity can lead to personal growth, stronger relationships, and a deeper connection with the world around you.
HSPs are actually AWESOME!
Being a Highly Sensitive Person is a powerful and complex trait. While it comes with challenges like overstimulation and emotional intensity, it also brings many strengths, including deep empathy, emotional insight, and an ability to notice details others might miss. By understanding the science behind sensitivity and learning how to manage the trait, HSPs can thrive in their personal and professional lives.
If you resonate with the description of a Highly Sensitive Person, know that you're not alone. Embrace your sensitivity and allow it to enhance your relationships, creativity, and connection to the world.
Some Famous HSPs
Here are 6 Insta Influencers who depict HSP traits
1. Yasmine Cherie (@yasminecherie)
Yasmine is a lifestyle and wellness influencer who shares content focused on self-love, mental health, and personal growth. She often discusses her own experiences with sensitivity and emotional awareness, resonating deeply with her audience.
2. Matt Haig (@matthaig1)
Matt Haig is an author and mental health advocate who shares insights about mental health, anxiety, and emotional well-being. His posts often touch on themes of sensitivity and introspection, making him a relatable figure for HSPs.
3. Lindsey Holland (@ropesofholland)
Lindsey shares content focused on mental health, body positivity, and self-care. Her candid discussions about her emotional experiences and struggles with sensitivity have garnered a supportive community around her.
4. Samantha Faiers (@samanthafaiers)
Samantha is a reality TV star and influencer who openly shares her journey of motherhood and mental health. She discusses her sensitivity and emotional struggles in a relatable way, connecting with her followers on a personal level.
5. Sarah Laughed (@sarahlaughed)
Sarah is an author and mental health advocate who shares personal stories and insights about navigating life with sensitivity. Her posts often focus on emotional awareness, self-acceptance, and the challenges faced by HSPs.
6. Molly Burhans (@mollyburhans)
Molly is an environmental advocate and influencer who raises awareness about climate change and social justice. She shares her sensitivity to the environment and emotional connection to nature, encouraging her followers to engage with these important issues.
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